Voyage of the Rock Aliens (1984) – Nostalgia Central

Simultaneously feeling like a throwback to old B-movies while also being aggressively 1980s in style, Voyage of the Rock Aliens is the story of a group of aliens who arrive on Earth in a guitar-shaped spaceship, accompanied by Robot 1359 (voiced by Peter Cullen), and fool around, achieving very little beyond clashing with some local teenagers.

Dee Dee (Pia Zadora) is a singer at Heidi High School who is in love with Frankie (Craig Sheffer), the leader of local violent rockabilly punk band, The Pack. Her dream is to sing with the band, but while Frankie loves her, he does not want her to sing with them.

Meanwhile, a giant tentacled creature (a product of environmental pollution) lives in nearby Lake Erie and periodically extends its arms into the town.

As the aliens – played by a little-known New Wave group named ‘Rhema’ – search the area, they encounter Dee Dee, Frankie and The Pack at the local maltshop.

The lead alien, named ABCD – pronounced ‘Absid’ (Tom Nolan), loses his head over Dee Dee (literally – he explodes and must be put back together by his crew) and decides to win her heart.

Another of the aliens, STUVWXYZ – pronounced “Stovitz” (Pat Byrnes), stumbles across two crazed mass murderers – Chainsaw (Michael Berryman) and The Breather (Wallace Merck) – who recently escaped from The Speelburgh Asylum for the Criminally Insane.

Feeling dejected by Frankie’s refusal to let her sing, Dee Dee succumbs to the charms of Absid, who asks her to be the singer of his band at the Heidi High Cotillion Dance and Battle of the Bands.

Absid and Dee Dee sneak off to the lake, where Absid tries to convince her to fly back to his planet. Hesitating, she agrees to visit the ship, but discovers once there that she will have to give up all human emotion to live on the alien’s planet.

Meanwhile, Dee Dee’s best pal Diane (Alison La Placa) encounters Chainsaw at the high school. The crazed killer intends to make her his next victim, but his rusty chainsaw breaks down, and love blooms as Diane helps Chainsaw fix his chainsaw.

Going back to her true love, Frankie, Dee Dee finds him cornered in a school hallway by the Breather. Frankie manages to fend off the murderer, only to be attacked by the lake monster, which has surrounded the school with its tentacles.

With his chainsaw now repaired, Chainsaw rescues everyone.

Nothing in the film makes any sense, but – although it’s cringe-inducing at times – it’s actually a surprisingly great musical (so long as you have a high tolerance for cheese).

The movie received a very limited release in America and Europe and debuted on television in Canada.

Dee Dee
Pia Zadora
Frankie
Craig Sheffer
ABCD (Absid)
Tom Nolan
Diane
Alison La Placa
EFGHI
Jeffrey Casey
JKLM
Gregory Bond
NOPQR
Craig Jensen
STUVWXYZ (Stovitz)
Pat Byrnes
The Pack
Jimmy & the Mustangs
Chainsaw
Michael Berryman
The Breather
Wallace Merck
Sheriff
Ruth Gordon
Rain
Jermaine Jackson
1359 (voice)
Peter Cullen

Director
James Fargo